Another important way to handle anger is self talk. This is extremely important and learning to tell yourself positive things can help you get a different perspective on the situation. Tell yourself you have a lot more to live for than the other person and find a way to detach from the other person. Other things you can say are “I don’t need to prove myself in this situation, I can stay calm.” Or “As long as I keep cool I’m in control of myself.” “I need to take time to relax and slow things down.” “The only thing I can control is myself and how I express my feelings.”

So many people get angry because they’re trying to get another person to change; their partner, their parents or boss. The fact is that it’s impossible to make other people change. They will only change if they want to. When you change your approach and you communicate differently it pulls different behavior from the other person and it completely changes the style of interaction.

Taking responsibility for yourself and your own feelings is critical at home. Especially in relationships, partners will start escalating each other and before long you have a major conflict. Both people think they’re right and justified in how they’re feeling and behaving. There’s no end of triggers or reasons to make you angry. At some point you have to take responsibility in order to start changing the pattern.

Anger is a normal human emotion. If one does not experience anger then it is not possible to experience joy, love or any other emotion. The problem is not to rid oneself of anger, but to manage anger in such a way that leads to a positive outcome for yourself and others.

About The Author

Dr. Tony Fiore is a So. California licensed psychologist and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter "Taming The Anger Bee" at www.angercoach.com and receive two bonus reports.

drtony@angercoach.com